Horns of Hatred
A hardcore name. An evil name. A name that promises ruin, thunder, and at least one animal sacrifice. None of that is on the schedule.
The accused. He posed for this portrait. He regrets nothing.
The truth, as management is legally required to state it: Horns of Hatred is four goats in their forties playing cover songs at a bar no one goes to.
They do not only cover Queen. They cover all the songs. All of them. Horribly. Songs nobody asked for, in keys nobody chose, at tempos the original artists would describe, under oath, as a crime scene.
The horns are real. The hatred is mostly paperwork. One of them reads the sheet music upside down and has never once been told.
You cannot trust a goat. This is not a slogan. It is a finding, reached the hard way, more than once.
The raven knows.
Out Now
The first album. It is out. It is finished, in the sense that the goats have stopped.
Horns of Hatred · Totally Not A Label
- 1. Deadweight OarsmanOut now
The goat claims he wrote every word of this at the oar. He was the deadweight. The oarsman has not been consulted.
- 2. Rowin' on a PrayerOut now
Halfway there, according to the goat. The other half is also the goat's fault.
- 3. Longship No. 5Out now
Ships one through four were approached and declined to be involved. The goat blames the ships.
The album is out now, which surprised everyone, because the goat was put in charge of the schedule. The goat ate the schedule. The goat denies eating the schedule. The investigation is closed and the goat is blamed, permanently and in writing. The goat claims sole writing credit on all three tracks. Management's investigation found he wrote none of the good parts.
Management confirms three tracks are out. Management also confirms, in a separate and sadder statement, that more tracks are threatened.
Somewhere in the album art above, a raven is hidden. Finding it does not win anything. The raven just wants it known that he was there, watching, the whole time.
The Goat, On Shirts
He is banned from the premises, the merch table, and the album. He is not banned from the merchandise. Management sees no contradiction and declines to explain.
The Goat Did It$34
Wrong Place, Right Time$34
The Goat Was Already There$34
Choose Your Management$34
The whole sorry catalog lives in the shop: All the merch →
Related ruling: the goat has been formally banned from the premises, the merch table, and this album. He was never invited. It changes nothing and it is binding anyway. Read the full decree: The Goat Ban →
The Goat's Voice
Management has decided he gets one. The Raven objected.
Management has decided, against the advice of the Raven, that the goat can have his voice. The Raven advised against it. The Raven's objection is noted, in full, twice. What follows is the goat, in his own words, unedited. Management already regrets this.
"I delivered the message. I delivered it twice. Nobody was home either time, which is not my fault and has never been my fault.
The luck stone was lucky. We are all still here, are we not. That is the luck. You are welcome.
This ban is discrimination against goats, plain and simple, and everyone at the trough agrees with me.
I wrote every one of those songs. Every one. I demand credit, I demand royalties, and I demand to be taken seriously by a bird.
The raven knows nothing. The raven is a bird."
His full statement, published as a press release because he would not stop asking: The Goat's Press Release →
The whole affair, drawn: the message, the trough, and the table, in six panels: Why We Hate the Goat: The Comic →
Every place and reference in the empire, on one chart: The Map of All the References →
Every empire needs a uniform.
Get the merch