The Goat (self published)

The Goat Responds to the Goat Ban. The Goat Delivered the Message.

An official statement from the goat, published by Warner Empire against the advice of the Raven. Management has not verified a single word of it.

(A Trough, Allegedly) October 26, 2026: I, the Goat, issue this statement in response to the so called Goat Ban published by Warner Empire management, a raven, who is a bird.

Item one. I delivered the message. I delivered it on the night of the call, on time, to everyone, twice. If nobody came, that is a them problem. I will not be taking questions about the trough or why I was near it or what I was eating near it.

Item two. The luck stone was lucky. The crew rowed it across the whole sea and every single one of them is still alive to complain about it. That is the luck working. I accept thanks in writing.

Item three. This ban is discrimination against goats. I am the only goat in the empire and I am the only one banned. The math speaks for itself. The trough agrees with me. The trough has always agreed with me.

Item four. I wrote all the songs. All of them. Horns of Hatred was my idea, the name was my idea, and Go Fucking Crazy On It was my idea twice. I demand full credit and back royalties. I also demand my own shirt. I am told I already have several shirts: The Goat Did It, Wrong Place, Right Time, The Goat Was Already There, and Choose Your Management. I did not design them. I demand another one anyway.

Item five. I was at the table because I was working. Somebody has to eat the evidence. That somebody was me. You are welcome, again.

My demands are simple. Lift the ban. Publish an apology in the big letters on the front page. Credit me on the album. Feed me at the good table, not near it. Read the decree I am answering, if you must: The Goat Ban. Then ask yourself why a bird has a legal department.

The raven knows nothing. The raven is a bird. A bird with a website is still a bird.

Media contact:

The Goat, at the trough. He does not have an email. He ate the email.

The goat has no further comment. The goat has many further comments.