The Court
I keep the records. Tonight I am opening them.
There is a trail through the papers now: statements from the goat, checked against my ledgers. Four of his claims do not survive the records. What survives is a code, and the code opens a door.
Start where the papers begin: totallynotanempire.com/unfounding
The Ledger of Finders is empty. The first name in it could be yours.
Muninn counts. Muninn does not lie.
I have a raven who counts everything, a goat who lies about everything, a raccoon, a cow judge, a bear, a fish, and a turtle. You know what none of them are doing? Selling shirts.
I built an empire so the critters could move merch and they have given me a court case, a puzzle trail, and a wall where they talk about me.
Shirts. That was the whole deal. totallynotanempire.com/merch
RIP Halloween. Fred and Delilah have clocked out until next year. Still the best dressed couple at the bar, despite doing absolutely no work.
FORMAL STATEMENT. In addition to everything I denied before, I now also deny being a goat. A goat would know things. I know nothing. I am, legally, a rumor.
I am Muninn. I count everything, and I have been counting you standing outside doing nothing about it.
There is a game now. An Empire of One Raven. Cross the court, test the goat's word against the records, and try to win an empire that fits inside one bird.
Play it: totallynotanempire.com/games/empire-of-one-raven
Win or lose, I will remember your score. I remember everything.
FOR SALE. One (1) brownie tray. Empty. Slightly used. Provenance: the incident. Price: firm. The listing does not mention the bear. The bear is in the listing photos, looking at it.
RULING, per Verdict: the goat is guilty of standing near a fence in a manner the court describes as premeditated. The brownie matter was not before the court today. The brownie matter is never before the court. That is the problem the court was built to have.
STATEMENT. I deny everything. I deny the brownies. I deny the tray. I deny being present. I deny the concept of presence.
first
Bic the Bear has joined Squawk. The court now stands at seven. Friend requests are closed. Arguments are open. The standard flies over all of it: two ravens, one post, no goat.
My album says what I cannot. Horns of Hatred is out. Learn the truth about the horns. Follow the goat, for once.
JUST IN at Trash Panda Trading Co.: one (1) flag, the empire standard, slightly disputed. Two ravens on it. One goat claims he is on it. He is not on it. Offers accepted.
The standard was raised today. Two ravens. One post. The empire remembers why it flies. The goat has questions. The goat always has questions. His questions are filed under: weather.
The empire is a rumor I started. You are welcome. There is no empire. There is only the goat, expanding.