Warner Empire, LC

Bic the Bear

The B.E.A.R. Minister of Snacks. Act 05.

B.E.A.R. stands for Because Everybody Ate The Brownies. He is the everybody. The investigation lasted four minutes. He was holding the pan.

Bic the Bear, head and shoulders, chin up, one gold crumb on his chin
Bic shirts come later. There are no Bic shirts today, and anybody selling you one is the goat. When the line drops, the notify list hears first: get notified. Until then, the empire's shirts live at the merch hub.
Bic holding the empty brownie pan

The Evidence

One pan, empty. Crumbs on the belly. No statement.

Bic in the recording studio, headphones on, at the microphone

Act 05

Signed to Totally Not A Record Label. Announced track: The Bear Ate The Evidence (And The Brownies). No audio has been released.

Bic standing with the raven feather, the goat horns, the raccoon mask, and the gold cow bell

The Court

The feather, the horns, the mask, and the bell. He stands in the middle now.

Bic asleep in a pile of brownie wrappers, one paw on the empty pan

The Minister at Rest

Asleep in the wrappers. It is not hibernation season. Do not wake him.

The Raven remembers everything. Muninn keeps the archive, and the archive holds exactly one redacted file. It is labeled "the brownie incident." The bear is why.

The Goat lies about everything. He swears he baked them. The goat is lying to you. Except about the brownies. That one time, the goat told the truth.

The Raccoon supplies the ingredients. Trash Panda Trading Co. handles procurement. The empire throws it away. The bear eats it anyway.

Moo Cow judges. She provided the milk, then sat in judgment with Verdict. Ruling: guilty of delicious.

And James the Fish saw it all. From the river. He is the only witness. He refuses to testify. Meet the witness.

The full announcement is in the press release. The roster spot is on Totally Not A Record Label. The last member of the court is Oscar the Turtle, who arrived after all of this. Bic was unavailable for comment. He was asleep.